Falling asleep to Microsoft Anna. What the fuck Anna? Get a real voice. I want Graham…. He was British and didn’t sound like a robot telling my notes while having sex. I want Graham back but Graham costs money…
I get it that a lot of people don’t enjoy dark comedy, which is something I refuse to shy away from. Why? Because is the world is a pretty fucked up place and I hate 95% of it. This is my way of dealing with the world, I look for humour everywhere, there is some serious shit I would never do or say, but not much of it. I get it, that guy I ripped on? Best mate, right. Make a fairly funny joke about rape or poverty or some shit like pedos and you’re offended by that because you were a victim of it or know a victim. Well fuck, if victims didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be a joke so of course someone suffered it. You know what though, I don’t cater to everyone’s specific needs, if comedy did, it wouldn’t exist. One last thing, I joke about deaths a lot, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, etc. Everyone gets all fucked and goes “OMFG that iz liek so disrispetfulll”, holy shit, but bet you’ve made some jokes about people who died fucking ages ago, no freaking difference man. A fucking Hitler joke here and there but wow, I maker a joke about Amy Winehouse the day after she dies and every goes batshit crazy.
Then there is may favourite reply that people finally get the idea that I really don’t give a fuck. “You wouldn’t making the jokes if it was you or someone you cared about.” No shit? I couldn’t make a joke about my death, because I would be dead dumbshit. But may I direct you to a chat I had last night.
Me: “So I timed that I have 20 seconds that bridge before a truck hits me… Or a car and then a truck. I don’t know the exact chances of being hit by a truck the first time. If you don’t hear from me in 20 minutes, worry that I am dead. Or whatever it is you would do if there was a chance I was dead.” Friend: “What!? Please be careful.” Me: “I am going to try… the rest is up to luck, and the drivers”
If I can make small jokes at the possibility of my own death, then yeah, I would make the jokes if I was dead, if I physically could.
This has been a rant by me, brought to you by the fuckhead who don’t fucking get comedy.